Hope - a lockdown poem?

Richard Fairhurst
(site admin)

Fri 22 May, 18:43

Spiritual successor to Bloody Orkney? (At least until the last verse.)

Alan F Harrison

Fri 22 May, 13:23 (last edited on Fri 22 May, 13:43)


by Anthony Horowitz



The town of Hope, near Aberdeen

Is somewhere I have seldom been

But then it’s not a tourist trap –

It isn’t even on the map!



There’s certainly not much to see

They’ve closed the local library

Because they said there is no need

When no-one in the town can read

They’ve got a pub and a hotel

But neither of them’s doing well

The hotel isn’t quite the Ritz

The beds have fleas: the staff have nits



The only pub, “The Rose and Crown”

Is easily the worst in town.

.The one theatre’s sadly gone

It burned down while a play was on

(The critics thought the play so dire

That all of them preferred the fire.)

The cinema is second rate

The films are always out of date

The last James Bond film that I saw

Had Bond still played by Roger Moore.



The pavements are never clean

Because the council’s far too mean

To pay for cleaners – and the park

Is only open after dark

The grass is lumpy, full of weeds

And dogs can only walk on leads

There is a children’s playground but

When school is finished, it is shut

The Chief of Police is eighty-two

He can’t catch crooks. He can’t catch flu!

The vicar surely won’t be missed

Since he’s become an atheist

The mayor sold his golden chain

And then was never seen again

The local paper isn’t bought

Because there’s nothing to report.

The school is like a concrete bunker

Matron’s drunk. The head is drunker.



Now, living here must really stink

At least, that is what you might think

But that is simply not the case

There is no more delightful place

The fun and laughter never ends

Everyone is best of friends.

And all the residents agree

There’s nowhere else they’d rather be.



So if you’re feeling uninspired,

Sleeping badly, waking tired

If everything is going wrong.

The day feels dark, the night’s too long

Remember all the people who

Have found the following is true:


It’s so much easier to cope

If you decide to live in Hope.

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