A "Men's Group" for Charlbury?

Wed 24 Jul 2019, 17:07

Well, we are small in number, but we are young in outlook and heart.

Anyone interested is very welcome to contact me via the mail facility here, or at hannenbeith@gmail.com

We will meet at 7 pm in central Charlbury, for an hour or so.  Once a fortnight.  No commitment but a £1 to defray the cost of tea/coffee and biscuits would be welcome.

Also, bear in mind that this is a great way to meet a like minded person, with whom you can then have a private friendship, if you wish.

First meeting will be late August, or early September.  So plenty of time to think about it.

Mon 22 Jul 2019, 10:04

I think it's a great idea. I used to co-facilitate a support group and our attending clients were mostly women, despite the topic affecting every member of their family. On the whole men were more reluctant to open up or to ask for help so anything that gets men talking and sharing can only be a positive thing. 

Mon 22 Jul 2019, 08:44

No worries Alex.

Apology accepted but really not necessary.

Thanks for your good wishes.

Sun 21 Jul 2019, 21:34 (last edited on Sun 21 Jul 2019, 21:39)

Whilst I admit I was quick to poo-poo Hannen's idea, having now better understood the rationale behind it I agree there is definitely a place for it in the local community and I was wrong to judge and for that please accept my apologies. And yes Miles I was being an arse!

Hats off to you Hannen. I wish you all the best with it all :)

Sun 21 Jul 2019, 12:43

Thanks Miles.

Totally agree, it's not for everyone, but I hope it will be as inclusive as possible.

I'll give it a go.  If it works it works, if it doesn't then no harm done.

Sun 21 Jul 2019, 10:05

Alex - don’t be an arse. Give people some respect. 

Not my cup of tea, but seams like it could be a great resource Hannen. 

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 22:33

Thanks Helen!

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 22:32 (last edited on Sat 20 Jul 2019, 22:40)

Thanks Miranda,

You've got the idea!

Although this is "men only", the concept (which is international, not mine) is to give us men, who are usually very wary of exposing their feelings and concerns, because we have been taught from childhood that that is not what a man does, a place to express our concerns, and perhaps learn or realise that what we are afraid of can be expressed in a safe environment. 

So it can be anything from diy to emotional concerns.  The "members" don't have to come with an agenda.  Trust will develop and it may just be a place where one finds another soul who has, or is going through, what you have or are.

Or we might just talk about trains and boys' things!

Anyone can come or leave as and when they want.  There is no commitment.

It is a safe haven, and may lead to helping relationships, or learning how to fix a bit of "kit".

It's just an idea.  Initial thoughts are £1.00 a session for coffee/tea and biscuits, and camaraderie.  

An  opportunity to have a good grumble, or, if you are comfortable with the environment, to get some emotional baggage in the waste bin, or out in the open.  (Where it usually dissipates, in my experience.)

I am not a counsellor so if you need one this might be the place for the others to suggest that you need one!  Or, better still, it would enable you to empower yourself to make that decision. 

Meetings will start in the autumn after school holidays.  I have secured a venue.

Happy men make great partners and family stalwarts, and a happy society.

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 22:25

Exactly Miranda. I was about to post something very similar to what you said.

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 20:35 (last edited on Mon 3 Feb 2020, 13:29)

.

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 17:10

Simon

Spot on. 

Yes, both groups I attended were weighted towards the elderly, although I was much younger then!

I’m not an evangelist but just  putting out an idea. I’ve already had private expressions of interest from men below retirement age.   

I remember the men’s shed discussion but you’re right. This is different although people can talk about anything they want. 

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 16:57

Hmmmm .... I seem to recall a similar idea being discussed on the forum at the back end of 2017 - Men's Sheds, which can also provide an environment in which (generally retired) men can have the facility to do hands-on things or just have the craic.  OK - what Hannen is suggesting here looks more like being discussion-orientated than fixing a broken chair or sorting out the gears on the grandchildren's bikes, but the concept is the same.  It's all about helping people maintain contact at a time when - especially if you have recently retired - it can be very difficult to readjust.  Loneliness and loss of self-esteem are serious problems for older people, and any ideas like this are to be welcomed.

The discussion on Men's Sheds effectively got scuppered at that time by people who only looked at the suggestion in terms of gender issues and missed the point completely.  Being able to air and discuss ideas, opinions or whatever in an environment where you feel at ease is important,  and many men (and I guess ladies as well) often find it difficult to talk openly about things that concern them in mixed company.  It can be very helpful to be able to talk openly with people who are prepared to accept you for who you are, and are not judgmental.

Both the discussion and hands-on group concepts are proving to be successful elsewhere in the country.  Why not here?

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 15:29

Alex,

You may find this helpful:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/man-up-getting-more-men-in-mental-health/

Hannen.

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 15:16

No.

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 13:45 (last edited on Sat 20 Jul 2019, 13:50)

It was always a rather old fashioned  English public school gentrified type tradition that at a dinner party after dinner or between courses the men would go off to smoke and talk about men's things - money, gambling and so on. whilst the women would stay and (probably wash the dishes, talk about babies and children, do all the cleaning up or powdering their noses (those that had maids to clean up!) etc,) Surely we have moved from those days and such stereotypes?

On the other hand I gather what you are really saying is you are looking for male friends. Am I right?

Sat 20 Jul 2019, 12:14 (last edited on Sat 20 Jul 2019, 12:17)

Having been a member of two "Men's Groups" I can say that they can be very beneficial.  Not just for those involved, but for their families and friends as well.

Here is a link to a (very) American idea of what one is:  https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/mens-group/

Charlbury has loads of great clubs/societies, but, as far as I am aware, nothing like this.

Some of you may recall that I used to be the Hon Sec of "The Avon Dassett Men's Club" when I lived in Fenny Compton before moving here.  That was founded by the local Vicar, to ease the loneliness that many men feel (even if they are in happy relationships) but can't express. 

What I have in mind is a weekly group (could be once a fortnight) when we all, of whatever age, get together to have a moan or be positive, or share concerns.  An anarchic structure.  

I don't envisage "rules", apart from sobriety, at least before and at the meetings, and self-governance.  Also - the main one:  "What is said in the room, stays in the room."

They are a great way for men to express opinions about anything, and get feedback and support.  

I have in mind as a venue, the Cornbury Room, but am open to suggestions.  Time?  6 pm or 7 pm?  Again, I'm easy, but as these meetings can last 60 to 90 minutes (if they are to be worth attending) any shorter won't (in my experience) work.  We can all make up other "rules" (if we have to) as we go along.

If this interests you please email me via this website.  All expressions of interest will be treated confidentially.

Thank you for reading.  Hannen.