Halloween

Fri 31 Oct, 12:29 (last edited on Sat 1 Nov, 11:19)

HALLOWEEN - SOULS WALK OUT from our reporter 

Large numbers of souls are seeking to leave the UK taking full advantage of the current thinning of the veil between the physical and spirit worlds. 

The Ministry for Metaphysical Affairs is under pressure to respond to the ever-increasing numbers of souls seeking to leave. A spokesperson for the Ministry has stated “We’re seeing unprecedented numbers of ghouls, ghosties and things that go bump in the night queuing at our borders despite repeated requests from The Guardians of The Threshold for them to return to regular haunting. 

A member of the Shadow Shadow Cabinet pinpointed the current moral and spiritual vacuum in the UK which is driving the exodus. He called for emergency investment in more shamans, mediums, artists, and poets. He also blamed the Government’s failure to train enough witches. He traces this back to the removal of Psychic Studies from the National Curriculum. 

The Union of Supersensory Entities is calling for the reinstatement of forests, waterfalls, and liminal spaces. 

Supermarkets report panic-buying of psychotropic mushrooms and ayahuasca.